Emotional Dysregulation: The Missing Piece in Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women

At Helping Humans Thrive, we believe in understanding people beyond the surface, especially when it comes to complex emotional experiences. One of the most commonly overlooked features of ADHD is emotional dysregulation – a difficulty in managing emotional responses that are often intense, fast-changing and hard to control.

While ADHD is frequently associated with hyperactivity and inattention, emotional struggles are equally as important and can be disruptive, particularly for girls and women whose symptoms often go undiagnosed.

Understanding how emotional dysregulation shows up in day-to-day life is key to offering the right support and reframing old narratives of “being too sensitive” or “overreacting”.

Here are some of the most common ways that emotional dysregulation in the context of ADHD can impact the social and emotional wellbeing of girls and women:

Trying Too Hard and Masking

From a young age, girls often internalise what they think they should be like – quiet, agreeable, origanised and emotionally steady. To fit this role, they may try to hide their struggles. This “masking” can look like remaining quiet when they are overwhelmed, rehearsing conversations in advance to avoid mistakes, or working twice as hard just to keep up.

While this can help them fly under the radar, it is not without a cost. The mental and emotional toll of trying to keep everything together can lead to burnout, anxiety and a deep sense of not being good enough, no matter how hard they try.

Big Emotions in Safe Spaces

Many girls and women with ADHD become an expert at “holding it together” during the day. But the pressure builds. Once they are in a safe space, like home where they may feel less pressure to perform, the mask drops, and big emotions spill out.

This may show up as emotional outbursts, meltdowns, shutting down completely or tantrums. While these moments can overwhelm and confuse loved ones, they are often the release valve for a full day of emotional strain. Unfortunately, these displays may lead to tension at home, and leave the individual feeling ashamed or guilty.

Friendship Difficulties

Social connections are often challenging for those with ADHD. Girls and women may miss subtle social cues, talk too little or too much, or act impulsively without realising. This can sometimes lead to being left out, bullied, teased, or misunderstood.

Unlike males, whose behavioural difficulties may be more obvious and more likely to receive support, girls are often quietly sidelined. This rejection can be painful, reinforcing feelings of isolation and confusion about why friendships are so hard to create and sustain.

The Weight of “Not Good Enough”

When things consistently feel harder than they should, such as staying organised, calm and connecting with others, girls and women with ADHD find it easy to blame themselves. Without an answer, this inner voice can become harsh and unforgiving: “What is wrong with me?” or “Why can’t I get it together like everyone else?”.

This kind of negative self-talk is common in undiagnosed and untreated ADHD and contributes to a decline in self-esteem. Many carry the weight of feeling ‘broken’ for years, simply because their challenges were not recognised or understood.

The Cost of Going Undiagnosed

When emotional dysregulation goes unsupported or unrecognised, it does not only cause stress in the moment, it can lead to long-term impacts on mental health, relationships and a person’s sense of self. Anxiety, burnout, depression and social withdrawal are common outcomes when ADHD in females is overlooked.

At Helping Humans Thrive, we want to change the way that ADHD is seen, especially for women and girls. Rather than judging behaviours as “too much”, “lazy” or  “too emotional”, we aim to understand what is happening underneath: the hidden effort, overwhelm, and longing to feel understood.

A Compassionate Lens on Female ADHD

We believe that healing begins with being seen. That is why our approach is grounded in compassion, curiosity and trust in our clients’ lived experiences. When we explore the full story – not only the surface – we begin to recognise that ADHD is not a flaw, it is a neurological difference that deserves support and understanding.

We see you. We believe in you. And we are here to help.

Let’s thrive – together.

Book a session to learn more about ADHD support at Helping Humans Thrive (contact us here).